RYAN, 21, STUDENT, SOMERSET
One of the earliest memories I have of realising I was different was writing lyrics down to a catchy song I came across, which worried my mum when she found them. The song was called ‘Gay Boyfriend’. I cried and said, “Now you think I’m gay.” I’m fairly sure I knew nothing of sexuality at the age of seven but I knew that being gay was somehow wrong.
The rest of my childhood consisted of hiding these feelings. I would watch straight porn the night before a friend was due to come round so if he ever looked at my internet history, he would think I was straight. I would pretend to get lost around school, to get out of P.E. And I would hide a two-year experimentation at the age of 14 with one of my friends where we wouldn’t talk to each other; just figured out how ‘things’ worked. (He’s straight.)