ROXY BOURDILLON REIMAGINES A CHRISTMAS CLASSIC
It’s that time of year again. The streets are full of shoppers festively screaming at each other, the Amazon delivery guy is weeping on the pavement – a broken man with a broken back – and you’re settling down on the sofa with a Terry’s Chocolate Orange (it’s not Terry’s, it’s yours) to watch Love Actually, a film that celebrates love in all its forms. All its heterosexual forms, that is, because “love is all around”, but only if you’re straight. Richard Curtis’ Crimbo classic features dozens of characters, and not one of them is queer. That’s not just disappointing, it’s statistically unlikely. What about Pat, the Prime Minister’s housekeeper? Come on Curtis, you couldn’t have made Pat a lez?
Love Actually is as straight, actually, as my mum wishes I was. But did you know that the crowd-pleasing flick originally included a same-sex love story? Naturally, one of the sisters of Sappho died, because nothing says Christmas cheer like Dead Lesbian Syndrome. Curtis took burying his gays to a whole new level. He went to all the trouble of shooting our death scenes, and then killed our storyline too, like some sadistic patriarchal puppeteer.