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Digital Subscriptions > Psychologies > No. 148 > ’’ Both sides now”

’’ Both sides now”

Becoming a mum can alter even the best of friendships, but finding a ‘new way’ of being a pal can put the bosom back into the buddy, says Harriet Minter

LESSONS IN ADULTHOOD

Every friendship is marked by points where you realise that no matter how often you finish each other’s sentences, you are still two individual people living separate lives. First love is one of these occasions, when friendship comes second to teenage hormones and the thrill of snogging in the back row at the cinema. Later, you might find that work gets in the way of spending hours analysing each other’s lives.

But as you get older, there is one event that pulls apart your lives and forces you to redesign that cosy attachment: becoming a parent. For women, especially, there is still a gap between those who do have children and those who don’t. I remember finding out that my closest girlfriend had created a ‘baby questions’ Whatsapp group and I wasn’t in it. Entirely correctly, she’d assumed I had no interest in the minutiae of breastfeeding, but it marked the di.erence in our lives which, until that point, had been so entwined.

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About Psychologies

It’s all about love this month. In our 18-page Dossier we look at the reality of making your relationships work once the rush of lust wears off. We encourage you to choose to love each other, imperfections and all. For those who are struggling, we’re giving away our 30-day ‘How to save your relationship’ online course with relationship expert Sarah Abell– worth £47. We are also looking at how to navigate bringing up teenage children with our coaching columnist Kim Morgan, plus discover a new way to deal with grief - over dinner! Gratitude is the theme of our special gift guide for Christmas and beyond. We’ve partnered with Etsy, our favourite online portal for unique gifts made with love. Who and what are you grateful for this month? 
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