When one or both partners are not fully present, they are ‘high desire’ or ‘low desire’ in terms of connection. The high desire partner is the octopus and the low desire partner is the turtle – pursuer and distancer. We can all be either.
In therapy, an octopus says: ‘We don’t connect and it’s their fault!’ Turtle will huff: ‘Yes, it’s all me.’ In bridging, partners take turns to work through the script, right. It encourages both to open their hearts and connect, while listening and looking into the other person’s eyes. For some, it may be the first time they’ve allowed themselves to be vulnerable. The speaker is ‘the host’ and the listener is ‘the visitor’.