If you’ve had your fingers burned in the past, a new romance can be scary. How can you be sure you are not going to make the same mistakes? Ellen Tout finds out

relationships

Presently, I’m in that beautiful phase of dating where a message pops up on my phone and I can’t help smiling, or we meet for dinner and end up talking for hours into the night. I love the feeling – the anticipation and the butterflies – but I can’t help panicking, questioning if I’m ready for anything more. We met just over a month ago and, although I know it can’t stay this exciting forever, trusting enough to commit really scares me. I’ve been single for two years and

I have enjoyed taking a break. I’ve learned how to be happy in myself and I’ve thought through what I would like from a future partner. Looking back, I realise that previous relationships have taken up a lot of emotional energy, leaving me drained, and I want things to be dierent next time. I feel ready to let someone in, to slowly share the things I enjoy, but it feels overwhelming to allow myself to be vulnerable again.

I speak to Fe Robinson, a UKCPaccredited psychotherapist. When I explain my worries to her – that I want to take things slowly and feel scared – she tells me that’s a great thing. She sums up perfectly what I want now: ‘To be able to stand alongside somebody knowing that you’re complete and they’re complete, and you can live life together, supporting each other, but without one person leaning continually on the other.’