The last word on…
Even if you’re not plagued by irritating colleagues or family members – and everybody has one or two of those – it’s not easy to stay calm in our anger-saturated age. Furious politicians and their supporters dominate the news and, on social media, it has been verified that anger spreads more virally than any other emotion. It’s especially dificult to overcome anger because, unlike other negative feelings, such as sadness or fear, it’s often somewhat pleasurable. Expressing anger feels ego-boosting and energising; it’s only later, after you’ve lashed out, that you will wish you had held back. But squelching your anger is counterproductive. Learn to listen to it, and then you can choose a more constructive response.
Decode the message. ‘Anger is a signal and it’s one worth listening to’, writes Harriet Lerner in her self-help book, The Dance Of Anger (HarperCollins, £9.99). Negative emotions arise for a reason, so don’t force yourself to ‘let go’ of anger too quickly, or you’ll miss the message. Ask what your anger is trying to tell you. Usually, it’s a response to some kind of threat, real or imagined, so start there and reflect, perhaps with the aid of a pen and journal.