There is an elderly man I’ll always remember – he was eating an ice cream alone at the seaside. I found it heartbreaking. My friend commented that it was probably the last way he wanted to be perceived. She was right: I knew nothing about the man, so why did I feel sympathy for him? My reaction tells me something about how we commonly view men, and what it means to be a man in our society. Ultimately, feeling sorry for him was more about my own discomfort at a man appearing vulnerable. Men should be strong, silent and indestructible, right?
Wrong – and I know this at my very core. I’m conscious about creating space for vulnerability in my relationship. I take care to allow my husband a safe place to share his emotions. I don’t expect him to provide for me; we provide for each other as a team in every way possible. And yet, despite this, societal conditioning obviously has a subconscious grip on the way I see men in the world – like it does so many other things. The ‘shoulds’ rear their ugly head again.