Psychologies Magazine No.96 Find your tribe Back Issue

Last month i ended up on a leaky boat in North Norfolk with 15 women, all shrieking with joy and pointing excitedly at big, fat seals. No, we’re not part of some weird merman-worshipping cult but rather were enjoying a grand day out to a seal sanctuary on our annual book club weekend away. It’s one of my favourite weekends of the year, where a tribe of women I adore leave children, husbands, job titles and roles behind for 48 hours – just to be with each other and talk about
books and, er, point at seals. We’re now on our 40th book and over the course of our monthly meetings, our book club tribe has welcomed two new babies – and three puppies (inspired by the
gorgeousness of my dog Oscar, obviously) – forged new careers, suered two divorces, buried one parent and a best friend. If it was a love of books that first brought us together, it’s now a deep connection of shared history that makes the monthly meeting the one date in my diary I never cancel. Finding your tribe feels primal to me. Building enough trust between individuals means you can forget the formalities and take o the masks. You get to be your authentic self and have real conversations about the stuff of life you feel passionate about. What a relief! Finally, a safe space to show up exactly as you are, to get it wrong, to sound o , to cry buckets, to air an idea that you daren’t broker anywhere else, where you can behave badly and be forgiven, or be quietly and utterly heartbroken and find that your tribe has got your back, waving pitchforks or huge chocolate cakes depending on what the situation requires.