There’s much advice to be found that encourages facing up to difficult feelings. When done mindfully, however, a little avoidance can also be part of the way forward

Listening to a friend’s troubles. Scrolling social media. Watching TV. Tidying the sock drawer. Most people have had times when they’ll do anything to keep their mind occupied rather than face an emotional or challenging situation. And it’s easy to beat yourself up about not dealing with things or neglecting self-care to shift your mood. Distraction is, after all, often considered unhealthy. But might there be occasions when it’s a useful short-term coping mechanism? Could too much focus on an emotion sometimes exacerbate a problem? Perhaps it’s time to reframe interim distraction as a natural and understandable mechanism that can sometimes – not always, and not for everyone – help you through a tough patch.

Easy does it

Elizabeth Sumpf, a therapist based in Portland, Oregon, in the US, explains: ‘There are times when avoidance can be a helpful tool in managing stress and healing from trauma. If someone is being flooded by feelings, [for example], then it’s not the time to feel all the feelings.’ One analogy might be that of a powerful tap. You wouldn’t want to turn it on too high, as it would flood the bathroom, but if it’s a slow trickle, then the overflow can catch the water. If the pressure is so strong that turning on the tap will result in an instant flood, then maybe it’s time to turn it off for a while and do something else instead.