I was fortunate enough to go through both my pregnancies BC (before covid!) and at times, going through the health system was tricky for me. I had to ‘out’ myself at every appointment. It became the norm to give a detailed history of how and why I had conceived via IVF. My personal life became pretty public for those 10 months. Luckily, my wife had full access to me when it came to scans, appointments, admissions and labour.
I cannot even imagine how difficult it would have been to have to go through any of those moments alone. At every stage, my wife was able to be by my side, supporting and helping me. I never had to face the possibility of a pregnancy loss alone. I never had to be alone through unexplained bleeding. I never had to wait during an emergency room admission with no support. I never had to suffer solo through a 48 hour labour. I was never forced to be alone in a hospital, with a newborn and with no partner there to support me. Even though I never had to do any of those things alone, it was still the hardest experience of my life.
Over the course of the last few months we have all heard of the restrictions in maternity hospitals, in fertility clinics and through the health care system in general. People have been up in arms, and rightly so, about the fathers who haven’t been allowed access to their wives and partners through pregnancy and childbirth. But it’s not just fathers who have had their access restricted. It’s non birth mothers, gay dads and other parents in situations where they may not be the ones physically giving birth.