Iam a third-year student about to embark on a career as a mental health nurse. For years, I struggled with horrific violent and sexual thoughts about harming others. I would hide sharp objects out of sight to protect people close to me. I would plead with my brain to stop tormenting me. I genuinely thought there was a devastating menace ready to explode out of me at any moment.
It was only when doing some mental health training that I discovered I might have obsessive compulsive disorder. The trainer said: “Some people with OCD have repeated thoughts of stabbing people.”
After further investigation and talks with my doctor I realised I was in fact not a murderous psychopath – I was simply doing things repeatedly (mainly thinking) to try to convince myself that my worst fears (that I was awful) were not true. That made the fear grow and grow.