ILLUSTRATIONS MALTE MUELLER/GETTY IMAGES
Have your you ability ever to felt sabotage baffled at a relationship just as it gets off the ground? Or to consistently choose partners who aren’t ready to commit? Chances are your attachmentstyle is in operation. Attachment is like default programming that runs silently in the background, invisibly influencing your behaviour and choices. It can override your logical mind, which is why you can find yourself stuck in a relationship that you know is bad for you, or constantly anxious about how well you’re doing at work, despite a positive appraisal.
Scientists have identified four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and chaotic (also known as disorganised). Thanks to attachment research, we know that the quality and consistency of the attention and love we get from birth has a lasting impact on the way our brain and nervous system develop. Researchers such as psychologist Phillip Shaver have shown that our childhood attachment styles have a major
influence over our adult relationships, and conflict in our lives and communication problems with others can be attributed to clashing attachment styles. According to studies, our attachment style can also have an impact on our resilience to stress.*