Star Letter
GRIEF AND SURVIVAL
I just read the letter from Pilar who is struggling to cope with the grief of losing her partner (No Problem, January). My wife died just over two years ago. I got a lot of emotional support from an organisation called WAY – Widowed And Young – it is for anyone (regardless of gender or sexuality) who has lost a partner (whether married or not) when they were aged under 50. They have an online forum and members organise events (meals out, coffee, etc) which give you the chance to meet up with other people who just “get it” as they are also going through the pain of losing their partner. I have met other young queer widows through WAY (both online and in real life), which has helped as I felt alone with my situation. I read a lot of books on grief – the most helpful for me was a book called Second Firsts, which helps you to rebuild your life after loss. Other things that helped me were to get creative (I wrote and painted) and to do exercise when you feel up to it. I swam, ran and cycled – which all helped to heal my body from the trauma that grief puts you through. I did find a brilliant bereavement counsellor who helped guide me through the process of coming to terms with the death and starting to rebuild my life. Sometimes it helps to speak to someone who understands the grieving process. I am starting to get to a point where I can look at photos of my wife with joy at the happy memories we shared rather than sadness – it takes time and support but you can survive this.