The finalists of the fifth Miss Universe pageant, back in 1930
PHOTOS CREATIVE COMMONS, INSTAGRAM, JASON WADE, DIGITALGLOW, KEVIN ENGLISH PHOTOGRAPHY, JHE PHOTOGRAPHY
A blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty queen is waiting to hear if she’s won. She stands onstage wearing a diamante-encrusted evening dress, immaculately applied make-up, and no shoes. A few moments earlier, Emma- Jay was struck with an extreme attack of visceral nerves. Her legs became the proverbial jelly, her knees quite literally knocking together. She could barely keep herself upright and had no choice but to kick off her skyhigh heels before heading back out. So now here she is, in front of a packed crowd, barefoot in her ballgown. She’s made it down to the final two. The air is thick with hairspray and anticipation. She squeezes the other finalist’s hand, and whispers warmly, “You’ve got this”. After all, she’s already accepted that there’s absolutely no way she’s going to win. Her rival is six foot tall, slim, a goddess in emerald green. She looks every inch the beauty queen. And here Emma-Jay is, half her height, plus size, a mum of two, in her 30s, a lesbian with no shoes.
“The winner of Ms Paragon International 2019 is Emma-Jay Webber!” Eh? That can’t be right. They must be announcing the runnerup first. She’s definitely misheard. The host repeats into the microphone, “The winner is Emma-Jay!” Oh my god. She’s only gone and bloody done it. In that instant, all her Miss Congeniality- inspired fantasies have come true.