ILLUSTRATION BY BEN MORRIS
Christmas Eve (obviously!)
So we’re in the sleigh, me up front with the big man doing the steering, Wolf in the back. Doing the usual routine. Roof, chimney, presents, divvy up the mince pies and onto the next. Then somehow, I don’t know how, the conversation gets onto the tricky subject of the ‘E word’. “How can it be racist?” says Santa. “You are Elves.” “Yeah,” I says. “But only we can call us that.” “What?”