In Like Zim

Safety first! And second. And third. Zim explores the importance of everybody, everywhere, being earnest

By David Zimmer

When you go to the cottage, it’s nice to leave some things behind in the city. You know, stuff like air pollution, gridlock, and the ceaseless sound of condo construction. But there is a blight creeping into the land of lakes and trees like a foreign thistle. It has many forms, but I just call it the march of the Dreadfully Earnest. I spotted the beast when we had our first “dog in car” freak-out scene at the store. A lady burst through the door, clearly overwrought and on the verge of tears. Had she been injured, somehow? Maybe hit a moose? No. With a volume and passion usually reserved for opening night at La Scala, she proceeded to indict the sick example of wasted humanity who left a dog in the car. As she went in search of the foul wretch, I looked out my back window where the car was parked in the shade not three feet away. It was 20°C outside, and the car’s windows were open. The little dog inside was not panting and looked quite happy sitting in the driver’s seat. In brief, the dog’s owner had been inside for about three minutes, for a newspaper and some milk. The safety vigilante had to be asked to leave because she was coming unglued and disturbing customers. The dog was none the wiser. Oh, the humanity! ››