Dear Diva, My boyfriend’s ex was evil. He was emotionally and physically abusive and cheated on him. It took my boyfriend years to recover. We’ve been dating for a year and have a good relationship but he still has trust issues from his traumatic past. He keeps telling me he knows I’m going to leave him. I try to reassure him that I won’t but he doesn’t seem to believe me. I don’t know what else to say to him, and it’s getting kinda sad and desperate, like a foster child who finally got adopted but still can’t believe it’s his “forever home” – know what I mean?
Dear Insecure, In addition to his ex fucking him over it sounds like your boyfriend may have abandonment issues that could stem from childhood. Children of separated and divorced parents often suffer this for their entire adult lives if they don’t work through it. If he’s really a good guy I suggest that you go to couples therapy. Maybe this suggestion will help him believe you have no intention of leaving him. However, if he has other issues that you haven’t mentioned here, he may be too damaged and beyond emotional repair. If he is beyond repair (and this is for you to decide), you can’t save all the puppies in the shelter. Don’t fall prey to nagging guilt if you’ve got to move on to saner pastures.