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Digital Subscriptions > Gay Times > July 2018 > THIS TINY THING MAKING ME DIFFERENT.

THIS TINY THING MAKING ME DIFFERENT.

Asexual. Happiness. Proud.

Looking at my life, I find it quite average. I have a small group of friends, get along with my family, work in an office and have the usual hobbies of listening to music and going to the cinema. There is just this tiny thing making me different: I am asexual.

Those moments when people look at someone’s nice abs, admire those curves, makes most feel some type of way – not so much with me. I acknowledge a handsome person or someone that is cute, but it’s a bit like with dogs. Maybe I want to ruffle their hair or pinch their cheeks, but that is about it.

It’s not that I could not be intimate if I tried. The equipment is there and functional, but I have no use for it. Some find this confusing. Socalled ‘sexy’ things are confusing to me. Why are they thrusting their hips like that? Why do people start screaming at that? Why can’t a story live without that physical longing? Why do people think ultimate happiness is linked to a partner and children? I can’t relate, that is okay. We are different and learn from each other. Simple, right? I wish. If it were that easy, I would not be sitting here, writing an article on my insignificant asexuality. There are two things that still irk me: I felt wrong for a long time, and secondly, how other people’s misunderstandings made it worse.

There was a documentary about asexual people when I was young. Miserable people they were. Living with their parents at 40, not having a stable life, no partnership, lonely, but yet carrying a lot of emotional baggage. It was deeply uncomfortable to realise that I could relate, no matter how much I wished not to. I always was a bit of an outcast. That geeky kid that only talks about anime, doesn’t go out, doesn’t date. Not interested in models, in ‘cool’ things, in specific looks. But was I really like those people? Especially with the arrival of the internet I had enough friends where I found it easier to connect to all things Japanese and Korean and other people to share my joy. I did not want to be like those people, pitied and caricatured in the documentary. But how could I avoid it? I had crushes right? That one guy in the other class? That singer? Or maybe that girl my friend brought along the other day?

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About Gay Times

Nyle DiMarco is an outspoken activist, actor and model who lives at the intersection of his sexual fluidity and deafness. In our cover shoot with Nyle, artist Cacho Falcon has painted ‘I love you’ in American Sign Language across his body in what we hope to be a strong message of support to the queer deaf community. With nearly 8 million followers on YouTube, and close to 7 million in Twitter and Instagram, Tyler Oakley has become a pioneer of the new wave of social media celebrities, with a global reach that in many cases outshines even the biggest names in film and TV. Here, Tyler speaks on his latest project: Chosen Family, and why queer people need to become aware of their privilege. We’re also partnering with UKBP to raise awareness about the incredible work they do, and the importance of events and organisations such as theirs. We’re constantly learning how to be better allies to everyone across the far reaches of the colourful spectrum that is the queer community, and UKBP as a collective continue to educate and inform us how best to step up to the plate as a truly representative and inclusive company. Lady Phyll and the entire team at UK Black Pride are demonstrating the power of loud, unapologetic unity in the face of hatred and bigotry - often unfortunately from sectors of the LGBTQ initialism. Elsewhere in the issue: Sadiq Khan pens a letter to the LGBTQ people of London; Manevendra Singh Gohil, the first gay Prince of India, on using his platform to raise awareness on LGBTQ issues; Yves on standing shoulder to shoulder with our trans siblings; an exclusive look at the new exhibition Queer Friends; Aaron Altaras on his new role as a footballer coming to grips with his sexuality; Simon Gage reflects upon meeting Alexander McQueen ahead of the release of the upcoming documentary on the fashion icon; plus products, style, fashion, tech, travel, opinion and much more.