TODAY, dears, I want to talk to you about incontinence. (Sharp intakes of breath throughout the land.) For anyone over the age of 39, which I am – “Impossible!” I hear you cry as you look at my photograph – this is a subject that is too close for comfort, so to speak.
Now, incontinence is no laughing matter – though there is a splendid Monty Python skit on Olympic Games for Incontinents; in one race, when the starting gun is fired, the contestants all sprint towards the bushes.