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Digital Subscriptions > Motherdom Magazine > Issue 01 > BREATHING THROUGH MOTHERHOOD

BREATHING THROUGH MOTHERHOOD

Amanda Clare

IN HER OWN WORDS, AMANDA CLARE EXPLAINS WHY LEARNING TO BREATHE HAS MADE HER A HAPPIER MUM

It was when I found my head on the steering wheel, snot and tears streaming down my cheeks, as my baby scattered soggy oat cakes in the back, that I began to wake up to my actual truth. Having dropped my eldest at school, which seemed to be draining her of her childhood, and my middle daughter at nursery, I stopped the car by a river. (It’s always more dramatic crying by a river…maybe that helped.)

I had done a lot of crying in other places too…the loo, the pillow, the supermarket car park… But this, I suppose, was a surrender. A desperate snotty wish.

I wished more than anything I could be one of those parents who didn’t worry so much, take it all to heart, feel the weight of every decision like a chain around my heart. I wished I knew how to be clear on what I felt, how to get dressed and not look like a mad woman who only wears pyjamas, how to not be so overwhelmed, how to convince my children to sleep without having to perform a one woman variety show each night. I wanted to feel that I could trust something. Know that something was going well. That any of the relentless decisions I made on a moment-tomoment basis, had been the right ones to make.

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About Motherdom Magazine

If you're a parent with kids under 5 and you're interested in maintaining positive mental wellbeing, this is for you. Motherdom’s first issue is packed full of real life stories about maternal mental health, expert pieces from perinatal healthcare and wellbeing practitioners, and practical stuff too - mindfulness for you and your kids, yummy recipes and physical exercises you can do at home! Motherdom has been created by former BBC journalist and mum-of-two Anna Ceesay, who also went through her own maternal mental health issues. Issue 1's theme is "You're not alone".