Our twenties are supposed to be a decade of personal growth, challenge and exploration. A time when we can be forgiven for making mistakes before we are ‘old enough to know better’. However, my teens and early twenties were not like this. When I think back on this period of my life, I see a small person, trapped within a multitude of constricting confines which controlled my attitudes to my body and my sense of self. Instead of looking outwards, I was constantly focusing inwards and the negative chatter was firmly in control, drowning out anything positive my friends and family had to say.
I knew that I had to change, and for me, that would start with changing the conversation I was having with myself about myself. People can tell you that they can see the beauty in you, but you must see it and believe it yourself. My tipping point was when I was living alone and suffering panic attacks more frequently. I remember during one attack I came out from my body, in what I later came to understand through my yoga practice, was being an ‘observer’. I was observing myself and what was happening to me in a way that was pragmatic, segmented from any emotion, but with intelligence and rationality. I knew then I had to start believing the things people were telling me about myself because, rationally, why were they saying these things? And for the first time, I allowed myself to believe it was because they truly meant them. On reflection, I am reminded of a quote by Eckhart Tolle, which had a profound impact on me, “If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”