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Digital Subscriptions > Cottage Life > May-19 > S.O.S.I

S.O.S.I

27 ways to save the day! Captain Cottager, the Emergency Edition
Photography LIAM MOGAN

Skunky dog? Giant gaping hole in the roof? Wine that refuses to come out of the bottle? Not on your watch, dammit. When something goes wrong out at the cottage, you gotta be ready to fix the problem yourself. Step up and be the hero with these easy emergency fixes.

1 SALVAGE OVERCOOKED MEAT

So you’ve left the steaks or chicken breasts on the grill too long, and they’re overdone. Don’t panic, says chef Alida Solomon, a Georgian Bay cottager and the owner of Toronto’s Tutti Matti restaurant. But don’t serve those jawstraining hunks of meat whole. “That’s horrible,” she says. Instead, cut them into thin pastramiish slices. Solomon serves sliced steak over a salad with a flavourful dressing. “At the restaurant, we put Greek yogurt in a blender with a little honey, basil, mint, wholegrain mustard, a couple of capers, and some red vinegar and olive oil.” Overdone chicken, pulled like pork, also works in a salad. Or use it sliced the next day in sandwiches, tacos, or fajitas. How would the chef rescue overdone pork? “Tonnato— that’s tuna mayo— with tons of arugula, on a pita or on sourdough,” she says. “Add deep-fried shallots. They’re just delicious.” —Martin Zibauer

2 DEAL WITH A WATER-ACCESS NO-TP CRISIS

Code brown! Climb the highest pine to obtain cell service, and call the nearest float plane airdrome. Explain the situation. If it has to be a cash deal, the pilot will need to land on your lake. (Do a whip-round.) If digital credit is possible, a low-altitude airdrop will do the job. Insist that your 72 rolls of Eco-Green Care Magnum wipes are waterproofed with plastic. Light your dock on fire to act as a signal beacon. Pray to all the gods that this crazy scheme works.

—David Zimmer

3 FLASHBACK TIP

DEQUILL

A porcupine’s quill is covered in one-way barbs that unhelpfully anchor it in place, plus allow it to torpedo its way deeper into your flesh as you writhe around in pain. Get it out! Cutting the end off a quill just makes it harder to grasp, but cutting it lengthwise (use scissors) can make it easier to remove. Snip, then pull straight back with pliers.

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About Cottage Life

Cabin fever! As we dive headlong into spring, our May issue will get you ready for the new season. In this issue: Yannick Bisson’s dream retreat The A to Z of cottage hosting How to throw a party at the lake that’s fun for all ages Chef recipes for epic barbecue feasts An easy DIY host gift you can make Solutions for extra sleeping space How to de-skunk a dog and handle other cottage emergencies Getting your boat’s paperwork shipshape Boating tip! Install an in-line fuel filter for your outboard Pick up the May 2019 issue today!