WE GOT ONE!
Thank you for causing great distress to my house — see photo. I knew there was something wrong as soon as my issue landed on the doormat. That fact that it was covered in some sort of green slime, and a disembodied voice kept growling the word “Zuul” should have given it away. I now have several ‘Class 5 entities’ — so I’m told — roaming around my house. Luckily, I knew the number of some exterminators who gladly removed said entities. Please find their bill attached. I hope you have learned your lesson from such an irresponsible magazine cover. GORDON SMITH, GLASGOW Thank goodness you knew who to call! By way of profound apology, please accept these Picturehouse memberships, which will hopefully alleviate some of your distress. We can’t help with the slime, though.