STOP moaning!
With all the bad news doing the rounds, plus the usual ‘January blues’, how can we stay positive and curb the complaining?
WORDS KATHRYN BLUNDELL
LIFE SKILLS
THE FEEL GOOD
issue!
Moaning, nit picking, ‘making observations’; however we like to tag it, we’re all guilty of complaining and January seems an especially ripe time of year for it – the holidays are over, the bank balance is light and nothing in the sales fits.
Having a good moan about something is common when life falls short of expectations and does seem to have its benefits. ‘If we’re in a group of people we don’t know well then having similar niggles, such as the state of the weather, or sharing irritations about neighbours, can allow us to bond,’ says Dr Rose Aghdami, a clinical psychologist specialising in anxiety and resilience (clear-minded.com). ‘If we’ve been disappointed – a company has let us down with a service – then complaining also allows us to be assertive and try to fix the problem.’ But it becomes an issue when lamenting goes from sporadic behaviour to a default setting. ‘Complaining can be linked to depression, but tends to be habitual in people with rigid expectations – who see life as black and white rather than shades of grey,’ says Dr Aghdami. ‘This mind-set makes us less tolerant and unempathetic to the choices others make. It’s negative, and once embraced means that we tend to look for shortcomings in people and situations, exacerbating dissatisfaction. Being negative takes the shine off things – chronic complainers can’t enjoy life fully.’
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February 2017
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