Sitting on the floor, I am holding Oscar, my little black spaniel, and he is licking away my tears… Over the years, I’ve become an expert at avoiding my negative feelings - distracting myself with box sets, getting too involved in other people’s dramas, losing hours of my life surfing mindlessly on my phone and numbing myself with wine or work. On my slow journey, however, I’ve learned that if I am constantly running away from the fear of feeling bad, sad or mad, I also miss out on feeling glad. Trying to run away from my feelings means I run away from the present moment and create a life of exhaustion and brittleness - looking at my life from the outside in, as if I’m at a window, an observer but never a participant.
Today, I am scared that my heartbreak will literally break me. Oscar, Psychologies’ office dog, our mascot of unconditional love and my constant waggy-tailed companion for the past 13 years, is deaf, blind and poorly. We are at the vet, who says the kindest thing I can do is put Oscar to sleep. I want to wail, scream and rage. I have to let go of my beautiful little friend and I can’t bear to lose him. I feel utterly bereft and alone. How do I deal with this?