Anthony & Barry

When Anthony Kinahan and Barry Gardiner exchanged vows at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Dundalk, they did so in front of the very people who fought to make their union possible. For them, their wedding wasn’t just a celebration of their love and commitment to each other, but a much needed ‘thank you’ to those who campaigned tirelessly alongside them in the run up to Ireland’s marriage equality referendum.

The couple themselves were heavily involved in the campaign. In fact, they decided to return home from London and dedicate themselves to the cause. They set up the first regional marriage equality group - Marriage Equality Louth - before it linked with Outcomers to eventually become Yes Equality.

Unaware that they had friends in common, Barry and Anthony first met by chance when they were teenagers. Barry’s friends had convinced him to join them at an LGBT+ disco in Dundalk, but when he got there his friends were nowhere to be seen. After an hour and half of waiting, Barry decided to head to a different pub. En route, he stopped to tie his shoelace and when he stood up, he heard a group of people calling his name. On the other side of the alley were his friends, with Anthony in tow, and together they continued the night. As the night progressed, Barry plucked up the courage to ask Anthony out and the rest, as Barry says, "is history."

On their fifth anniversary, Anthony wrote a letter to Barry but he didn’t send it. The letter read "Today is a great day. Nothing special happened, but came to the realisation that want to spend the rest of my life with you." Three months later, Anthony arranged for Barry’s mother to take him out shopping, and when they returned, he had laid out a new suit for him and took him out to dinner. A nervous Anthony dined with a very confused Barry and when they got home, Anthony took out two Claddagh rings and popped the question.

When civil partnership was introduced in the UK, Anthony and Barry decided to make arrangements for a ceremony in Belfast. Civil partnership wasn’t a reality in Ireland - let alone same-sex marriage - so for all intents and purposes, this was their wedding. Anthony’s parents walked him down the aisle and Barry’s father walked him - his mother couldn’t be there for the ceremony due to a family illness. In Belfast they had a humanist celebrant, and while the day was magical, they couldn’t help but feel disheartened when they crossed over the border for a reception in Dundalk, where their union was no longer recognised. They were consoled however, by their plans to move to London and start the next chapter of their journey together in the UK.

After several years of living in London, Barry and Anthony found themselves faced with a difficult decision. They wanted to become parents, but two truths suddenly became very apparent. Bureaucratically speaking, they had a better chance of becoming parents in the UK, but they knew that if they were going to take this next step they would need the support of their family and friends in Ireland.