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Dear Attitude,
I’m 34-years-old and find myself stuck in a cycle of depression. I spent most of my twenties enjoying life as much as possible, probably a bit too much. I was out at one party or another most weekends. Looking back, it was any excuse not to stay at home. I had a really responsible job in TV but I found my weekend lifestyle had started to affect my work too much. I’d spend the first part of the week recovering from my weekend binges. I’d find any excuse not to be home at weekends.
As my mates started getting boyfriends I would start indulging more in casual sex because they started going out less and less. Drugs and alcohol helped my confidence when it came to hooking up with guys, giving me more courage to have sex, but I would jump from one one-night stand to the next.
I eventually got made redundant when the company went through a di˛ cult time. I’ve been unemployed on and off for four years now, getting the odd freelance job here and there. Having no money has forced me to stay home more, but it’s all too easy to jump online or on an app and meet some guys for sex. I’ve had to try to stop that behaviour because it was giving me really bad come downs afterwards. My friendships now just tend to be casual hook-ups and I’ve gradually lost the good mates I had. I now stay home most of the time and feel like I have nothing to show for myself.
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