TALKING POINT

So, now what?

ELLE HUNT DECIDED LONG AGO THAT SHE WOULDN’T BE HAVING KIDS. WHILE STILL HAPPY WITH HER CHOICE, SHE’S STARTED TO WONDER: HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR A MID-LIFE THAT’S WILDLY DIFFERENT TO THAT OF YOUR PARENT-FRIENDS?

When I was a teenager — even a child — nothing seemed better than being an adult. I kept a folder on my family’s computer of pictures that represented my future desires — to live in a city, have exotic pets, travel.

I’m now nearly 35. In many ways, my life is as I’d hoped: I have a rewarding career, a good income, my own apartment, fantastic friends. I even have two cats of the breed that, growing up, I used to scroll on Google Images. You might call it a triumph of manifesting. But compared to my youthful vision, lately the future has been seeming somewhat murky.

Many of my friends have been getting married and starting families. I’m happily single, and am confident I don’t want children. What I sometimes envy is the progression represented by parenthood, and the opportunities — for learning and growth — it opens up. My friends with children have some structure for the coming decades: a non-negotiable commitment that grounds them, exposes them to new challenges and experiences, and brings with it previously unimaginable hardships and rewards. I, meanwhile, am staring down a blank page, without a blueprint for the next 10 years and beyond.

Parents may envy my freedom, disposable income and eight hours of sleep, and I certainly don’t take it for granted. But I’m conscious that any change in my life’s direction is entirely down to me. It goes beyond anxiety about ageing: I have friends in their forties and older who model rich, rewarding lives. Still, they uniformly have partners with whom they can plan their next moves. Most of them also have kids who continue to be a focus after they’ve left the nest.