Private Eye

IRON-Y CORNER

A BELATED recognition that the world’s sixth biggest

NOSCOREFLAW

APPEARING before the Commons liaison committee of senior

IN NEED OF TREATMENT

IS THE NHS beyond repair? It depends what

IDENTITY CHARADE

THE real-world consequences of ripping up Twitter’s verification

GROK OF SHIT

TO SEE what government by AI might look

SCANDAL SHEET

SO MUCH for the new government’s promise finally

REFORM CHARACTER

YOU can’t keep a good man down. Or,

MEDDLE OF FREEDOM

ANTI-ABORTION group ADF International got publicity recently for

US-EYE

THE Border Security Expo bills itself as “the

CRILLY SEASON

THE Mail ’s MAGA coverage has left

YUPPIE FLEW

THE latest vestige of former glories the

POOR FORM

SPECTATOR editor (Lord) Michael Gove is using

TORTOISE HELL

PREPARATIONS for the Guardian ’s handwashing of

STAR DRECK

THE reign of costly cost-cutter Jim Mullen may

OWEN GOAL

DRAG queens singing “Just Jew It”. A 2,000-strong

PAPER BOYS

LAST month both the Sunday Times

TARIFF-RAFF

IT MAY have been hard to follow exactly

UNION BLUES

THIRTY-NINE years on from the Wapping dispute, Rupert

EGGS ELUSIVE …

A PLAINTIVE message to staff in the

LADY KILLER

THE first that contributors to The Lady

PENNIES FROM DEVON

“WORKERS in the South West set for pay

PICTURE IMPERFECT

“PICTURED: ‘Enabler who supplied young women for

Private Eye

“If the Oval Office can’t sort it, who

SEASONING OPERATORS

THE chancellor came under fire for accepting free

RODEN TRIP

KEY Starmerite group Labour Together has received another

IMMENSA BLACK HOLE

LAST month MPs debated a motion on the

GRIMES SEEN

AS REFORM UK’s digital machine cranks up ahead

TUGENDHAT-IT-AGAIN?

AS Conservative enthusiasm for Kemi Badenoch’s leadership wanes,

WESTMINSTER WHISPER

GREAT stroking of chins as the Lords constitution

CALLED TO ORDURE

WHEN ministers use the adjective “vile”, it can

MAN IN THE EYE

CONSERVATIVE party documents leaked to the Eye

COINCIDENCE CORNER

Balls in the air 16 March: Former BBC

HOUSING NEWS

THE intended consequences of the government’s cuts in

KEEPING THE LIGHTS ON

BILLIONS in subsidies for developing renewable electricity projects

REVOLVING DOORS

A YEAR as a junior energy and net

Private Eye

BLAST OFF

A SENIOR Tory on Cornwall council, who has

DEBT TO THE TOON OF £39M

LABOUR-controlled Newcastle council allowed a company that owned

KHAN COUP

IT HAS been a busy few weeks for

MEDICINE BALLS

Follow the money… THE Nuffield Trust has helpfully

THE LUCY LETBY CASE: PART 19

All fall down? LAST October, the court of

SIGNAL FAILURES

Customer comes last

ROAD RAGE

The hole truth

The Agri Brigade

T HE government has appointed ex-National Farmers Union

Celebrity Big Brother (ITV)

F ORGET a butterfly flutter causing a tornado.

KERBER'S PEOPLE

BOARD & BODGING

CONGRATULATIONS to Caroline Thomson, the former BBC bigwig

CONVERSATION KILLER

FOR two years now beleaguered BBC staff have

GEORGIAN PILE

ONE of the key pillars of the pro-Putin

AD NAUSEAM

SIR Jim Ratcliffe’s Ineos has launched a new

BOGEY MEN

THE Masters, arguably golf’s biggest tournament alongside the

CRICKET NEWS

MEMBERS of Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) looking forward

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA

LOOKING into adolescents’ complex relationship with digital tech,

A-EYE

KEIR STARMER’s enthusiasm for AI was given another

CULTUNE BOAFS

GNOME CINEMA

THE Russo brothers, Joe and Anthony, when not

Letter from Port Louis

from Our Own Correspondent

RWANDA WATCH

T HIS month Paul Kagame celebrates 25 years

Postcard from Istanbul

D IVINE fortune, and perhaps not a little

NOOKS And CORNERS

THE University of York says it plans to

IT’S GRIM UP NORTH LONDON

KNIFE & PACKER

Letters

letters@private-eye.co.uk Emotional baggage Sir, Please

Bird strike

Sir, It was great to see the

MUSIC & MUSICIANS

AS FALLOUT continues from the Wigmore Hall’s decision

FUNNY OLD WORLD

fow@private-eye.co.uk “How is it possible for the

Sir Keir Starmer MP

An American Doctor Writes

AS AN American doctor, I am often asked

Who will blink first?

AS China and America face off in the

THAT ALL-PURPOSE TRUMP PIECE IN FULL

IN A SHOCK move last night Donald Trump

NEW TRUMP TARIFF STUNS WORLD

ASIAN markets were reeling last night at Donald

China pledges to defend capitalism

CHINA has pledged not to back down in

Everyone now experts on steel manufacture

IN A shocking reversal, all the blowhards who

ARMY TO BE BROUGHT IN

JOHNSON ATTACKED BY OSTRICH IN SAFARI PARK

PRISON OFFICERS IN PEACEFUL PROTEST AGAINST TERRORIST INMATES...

WAYNE ROONEY CAUGHT SHORT

TRUMP’S TARIFFS

YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Nero Plays Golf While Rome Burns

The Emperor Nero was today unrepentant as the

EYE PICTURE QUIZ: WHAT IS THIS?

A Market’s reaction to announcement of tariffs ? B

Global bond uncertainty – Trump clarifies situation

Bond experts throughout the world have been gripped

Karoline Leavitt’s history of things going to plan

Trump tariff U-turn “Genius Art of the Deal

THE US CONSTITUTION: A GUIDE

Checks and balances Huge cheques and bank

Russia’s underwater spy probes revealed

THE UK security services have uncovered a sinister

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam Jean Marsh Actress and writer

How dynamic pricing works for live events in Britain

£20 Price if you buy as soon as

Notes&queries

Who or what is a Panican? l

MICHAEL FABRICANT EVICTED FROM BIG BROTHER

“No one wants him in the

POLICE LOG

Neasden Central Police Station

New British submarine named

The name for the first in the new

Badenoch slams Badenoch

KEMI Badenoch today lashed out at the Conservative

MRS MACBETH FURIOUS AT EX-HUSBAND’S NEW TITLE

THE former wife of top Scottish backstabber Michael

Surname reduces employment prospects

There was a stunning revelation in The Daily

Why are so many young people saying their mental health is bad?

AS THE government continued to search for ways

Dire wolf de-extincted

A group of US scientists have announced they

MARINE LE PEN COMPARES HERSELF TO MARTIN LUTHER KING

“I have a dream that one day all

PRINCE HARRY VISITS UKRAINE

Ex-Conservative MP writes for the Eye

HI! Well, there’s been the teeniest tiny bit

GREAT NEWS AS GREENPEACE FIGURES ARRESTED

THE world has received a huge boost from

CHARLES AND CAMILLA’S 20TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

MR GREEDY GOES TO COURT

Another Hilarious adventure from the Miser Men series

DAILY TELEGRAPH An Apology

IN RECENT weeks, and indeed years, we may

EXCITING NEW THEME PARK TO OPEN IN BRITAIN

THE government welcomed the news today that a

Theme Park to open in Bedford

THERE was a massive boost to the UK

Coming to a newsstand near you…

Following the sad closure of high society magazine

GAP-TOOTHED STAR OF HIT TRAVEL DRAMA COMPLAINS ABOUT ‘FOCUS ON TEETH’

The breakout star of the hugely popular series

The Gangs of Neasden

All channels all the time Hard-hitting, high-octane, ultra-violent,

BBC’S ERIC GILL STATUE RESTORED FOR £530,000

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam. Betty Webb, Bletchley code-breaker. So,

What King Charles played on the carrot when he joined The Vegetable Orchestra in full

Handel’s Watercress Music Barber’s Adagio for Strings of

THE WHITE LOTUS AND ME

ALLISON PEARSON : The White House is right:

Private Eye

Nobel rot

Theft Abdulrazak Gurnah (Bloomsbury, £18.99) T O

Muse bulletin

Hidden Portraits Sue Roe (Faber, £25) N

HOW UNBOUND CAME UNSTUCK

n THE collapse of the crowdfunded publisher Unbound

Books & Bookmen

n FOR many established writers, April has been

Pseuds Corner

Freighted as the scene is with the benefit

Private Eye

“I preferred it when they breathed fire”

Bird brained

PESTICIDES in flea treatments for cats and dogs

Broken Reed

L ABOUR’s election manifesto criticised the Tories for

Panel games

CONTROVERSY continues to rage around the development of

Weed all about it!

A HUGE seaweed farming contraption within Cornwall’s

Gold diggers

MORE great financial news from Teesside. Not

OFSI-turvy

T HE government’s financial sanctions watchdog’s belated report

Parks & rides

AT THE start of the year, Metropolitan

Rate rats

W HEN a smartly dressed surveyor cold-called at

Wage slaves

THERE may be broader questions to answer from

Evictor spoils

A FRIEND of an enormously talented but reclusive

Hit SEND

COMFORTING her seven-year old autistic son as he

Pain barrier

FORMER police officer David Czarnetzki has a debilitating

Oxy moronic

VALID medical uses of hyperbaric oxygen chambers (designed

In the City

Chasing shadows J UST as global trade

THE LAST LAUGH

“Bad dog” YOU’VE READ THE MAG, NOW

MARTIN RANDALL TRAVEL

Contact us: +44 (0)20 8742 3355 martinrandall.com