Here are some considerations to help our autistic children with pathological demand avoidance.

By Brett Novick, MS, EdD, LMFT

“No” is such a simple word, yet these two letters can stop even the most well-meaning parent in their tracks as they try to navigate the challenging world of parenting.

In our ever more hurried society, our children refusing even simple requests stresses the entire family as we attempt to cross items off a growing list of tasks, chores, and responsibilities. Some days, it may seem that we may never dig ourselves out of this deepening blizzard to see the light of day and get ahead of our household duties.

In the case of pathological demand avoidance (PDA), the word “no” is characterized by children who may refuse to do what seems like simple everyday demands. Direct requests are often met with refusal, and indirect demands to do a school assignment or answer a question may be responded to similarly. As a result, these children may appear to be oppositional and defiant or are simply testing our patience.

When we take a deeper dive into PDA, we can better understand why our children may choose this strategy to address what looks like basic requests. It requires an understanding and working hand-in-hand to help shift answers from leaping over the obstacle of the word “no” towards ultimate compliance.