Ever said something with the best possible intentions only to have it completely misread and take a torrid turn? Most of us have, so reach for the sentence we think will make it all better: ‘I just want you to be happy.’ Only it doesn’t.
The words are intended to be helpful, the idea being to relieve someone you care about of any other burdens or expectations they imagine you might have of them. It seems a simple and supportive statement, but to the person on the receiving end, that’s often not the case. ‘To say, “just be happy” indicates that negative emotions are not accepted,’ explains Jennifer Cawley, psychotherapist at The School of Life, a London-based organisation offering books, seminars and online classes designed to help find calm, self-understanding, resilience and connection. ‘Instead, we must allow those we love to feel the full spectrum of emotions and encourage them to feel safe experiencing all of them. As soon as we label emotions good and bad, we are taking away natural human experiences, which can cause further confusion down the line.’