In the known universe, there is nothing straighter than a woman with a “girl crush”. Girl crushes are generally bestowed upon women who are either formidable (Sheryl Sandberg, perhaps) or unusually sexy (Cara Delevingne, perhaps), or preferably both (Beyoncé, perhaps). The kind of (usually hetero) women other hetero women wouldn’t actually sleep with (god, no) but for whom they might – post-tequila shots – announce an admiration bordering on sexual.
Until recently, the mere concept of a girl crush was enough to make my eyeballs disappear into my skull for a week. What are lesbians even supposed to say to their straight friends who tipsily confess to having girl crushes? “Congrats on your edginess. Welcome to the fold”? Well, that’s pretty much what I said to my mum when she straightly ogled Charlize Theron in one of those Dior ads where the radiant meat statue of an actor sweeps nudely down a corridor.