More Roamerisms from the early 1990s
?? I must have come pretty close to getting done for contempt of court last week. The sheriffwas proceeding to the bench while, in time-honoured fashion, the usher was announcing ‘Court! All rise!’ Along withmy press colleagues I attempted to stand up, as per the customary deference.
But a packet of Polo mints in my jacket pocket managed to get snagged between the seats and I couldn’t rise. By the time I got the pocket and Polos free, everyone was sitting down again’ Fort William Rains Supreme’. That was the headline describing our town’s above average (even for Fort William) precipitation. That possibly explains why, last week, I received a letter from London addressed to ‘Wet Highland News Agency’ Aye, and still the rain comes tumbling down, and the Falls of Cameron (Square) – Fort William’s answer to the Waltzing Waters – are cascading down offthe roof of the ‘All Weather Centre’, onto the unsuspecting pedestrians Johnny’s dog followed him from the house to Caol Community Centre bingo. ‘Shoo! Shoo! Away home’, Johnny shouted. ‘You haven’t any money for the bingo anyway. ‘Learning all the time’ was a catchphrase in one of the TV sitcoms. And thus did Young Livy continue his education at the Pulp Mill Club 25thanniversary dinner dance. He was introduced to the mysteries of an ‘Excuse Me’, which saw him receive a tap on the shoulder and his partner being whisked away to whirl round the floor withan elderly bloke from Corpach Smokin’ Simon Macdonald in Safeway.