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The blame game

Do you instinctively think it’s your partner’s fault when things go wrong, or do you take too much responsibility? Many of us are prone to one or the other, reveals Caroline Buchanan


You’ve had a big argument with your partner and you’re both feeling pretty wounded, and keeping your distance from each other. Do you feel it’s time to think seriously about ending the relationship? Tell him you’re ready to talk when he is? Or, feel awful about some of the things you said? Of course, there is no right or wrong answer – it depends on where you’re coming from. You might jump from one answer to another but, deep down, one of the choices will feel more ‘familiar’ to you than the others.

It dawned on me a few years ago that many people fall into the category of blaming other people for everything (blamers) or, conversely, blaming themselves – I call these the ‘blamees’. Either can switch in a second from one position to the other, before settling into the place that feels like home.

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The latest issue of Psychologies is now available to download. Featuring: Reinvent your life with Yoga, Grown-up gap year, Face-reading, Free online coaching plus much more