I have returned to the land of Eorzea, bleary-eyed and exhausted from having missed the last two Final Fantasy XIV patches. Perhaps the sleep deprivation has finally caused me to go mad, because I don’t remember this game ever being populated by tiny pink bean people and a gaudy platforming battle royale that makes me deeply angry despite its cutesy exterior attempting to placate me.
What’s that? It’s because there’s a Fall Guys collaboration that’s been added in Patch 6.51? I would question it, but in a world where we’ve also received crossovers with Monster Hunter, Yokai Watch and even freakin’ Fender guitars, it’d be wise of me to be a little more open-minded.
I suppose with Final Fantasy XIV’s latest expansion, Endwalker, nearing two years of age and drawing to a close to usher in next summer’s Dawntrail, now is as good a time as any to start chucking in the weirder non-story stuff that’ll keep people entertained. After all, it’s certainly working on me.
Something I’ve always really admired about this MMO is that it doesn’t slack when it comes to the crossover events. It’s almost always a two-way street, with both parties receiving some goodies from the other. Plus, in Final Fantasy XIV’s case, their end of the deal often goes far beyond the odd cosmetic or two.
NEED TO KNOW
RELEASE August 24, 2013
PUBLISHER Square Enix
DEVELOPER Square Enix
LINK
finalfantasyxiv.com
For the Fall Guys collaboration, that means somehow building the entire premise of that game within Final Fantasy XIV’s limitations. Sprawling levels with swinging hammers, spinning platforms and dangers that rain down from the sky and roll down hills make up the meat of each level here, with players jumping and running from point A to point B.
DUNGEON MECHANICS The game cleverly makes use of some of its dungeon mechanics – like forced march, where you’re given a particular direction to be uncontrollably sent off toward, or one that makes you spin with a sluggish command over your character à la Alzadaal’s Legacy’s final boss. There are three levels in total per run, with a pretty limited pool of minigames it plucks from, following the standard elimination format Fall Guys runs.
It culminates in an experience that multiplies the jank of both games tenfold, but somehow remains brimming with charm. It certainly helps that there are cosmetics to be earned for playing: adorable Fall Guys
FALLING WITH STYLE
Fall Guys goodies abound this patch
THREADS
Designer fashion line for the cosiest of all the Beans.
EMOTE
Rub your victory in your friends’ face with this emote.
MINI-BEAN
What’s better than one big Bean? A mini-Bean!
MOUNT
Take FallGuyson the go with an egregious inflatable mount. loungewear, crown hats, an emote and a mount are all up for grabs in exchange for event currency.
BLUNDERFUL
If the idea of losing hours of your life to a janky jumping puzzle is somehow unappealing, Patch 6.51 did also add some actual Final Fantasy XIV stuff, too. Variant dungeon Aloalo Island was added, along with its criterion version Another Aloalo Island. They’re another breed of the special dungeons Square Enix has been pushing this expansion, with the variant dungeon offering scaled difficulty and branching paths while the criterion dungeon is a far tougher, fixed experience.
CLEVERLY
MAKES USE OF ITS DUNGEON MECHANICS
Crafters and gatherers can continue their Splendorous Tools relic grind, with Patch 6.51 introducing the Brilliant step, knocking the item level up to 630 and providing some juicy stat increases. If using your hands to beat the crud out of other players rather than creating things is more appealing, then a brand-new Crystalline Conflict PvP map has also been introduced. The Red Sands is a dangerous desert, with sand monsters erupting from below while an oasis provides respite.
The Fall Guys stuff is definitely the shining star though, and worth prioritising since it’ll disappear for the unforeseeable future on December 31. Everything else can be completed at your own pace, no scary big timer looming over your head.
The patch is a little dry, sure, especially when you take the collaboration out. It’s standard as we’re this far into the expansion cycle though, and particularly since Endwalker’s being stretched out a tad beyond the usual two-year pattern to try and get Square Enix back on track with its pre-pandemic summer release schedule.
It’s wild to think that Patch 6.51 will be one of the very last before Dawntrail, too: Patch 6.55 is set to release in mid-January 2024, and there’s a good chance we’ll see a Patch 6.58 to round things off in the early summer before 7.0 hits.
I feel like Eorzea is a little too calm about the giant Bean invasion.
Blunderville is full of Beany photo opportunities.
Minigames have you participating in jumping puzzles and objectivebased events.