”I never want to make love to my husband again “
Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, offers a new perspective on whatever is troubling you
the life lab
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PHOTOGRAPH: VICTORIA BIRKINSHAW
MARY FENWICK is a business coach, journalist, fundraiser, mother, divorcée and widow
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Q My husband and I are very happy. He enjoys making love but I don’t feel any arousal. He wants me to enjoy it, too – which makes me wilt with annoyance as I haven’t enjoyed it for years. It seems cruel to tell him this, so I haven’t. I said recently that I’d love to cuddle in bed and he laughed, replying, ‘You don’t know how men work.’
When we met, my husband had premature ejaculation and we worked sensitively through that. Later, I had endometriosis, two caesarean sections and we struggled with condoms for years. Then, it was the menopause, which was not too bad. After that, my mum had Alzheimer’s and I was heading for burnout. Now, life is happy again, but I wish I didn’t have to make love again – ever! I told him about my problems with vaginal dryness, and he lost his erection instantly. I’m not alone, surely? I can easily have multiple orgasms by myself. How do we work through this? Name supplied