Panic attacks, anxiety and negative thoughts governed Bella Mackie’s life. But when she hit rock bottom, running saved it

Words Katie Campbell Spyrka

Bella Mackie is a convert. “I hope to be running well into my 90s,” says the journalist and author over a coffee.

For someone who used to hate exercise this is quite a turnaround, as the 35-year-old readily admits. “I used to think sport was for weirdos or people who wanted abs,” she says. “Previously I just couldn’t understand the concept of exercise.”

That was until five years ago when, in the face of crippling anxiety and the breakdown of her first marriage, she laced up her trainers for a run that would change her life…

Plagued by anxiety since childhood, Bella can recall its presence weaved into even her earliest memories. “I can remember when I was four or five years old at a school fair. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I told my mum I felt sick and asked if I could go home. I couldn’t really articulate what that was about, but I knew something wasn’t quite right. Even at that age, my mum thought I was a bit of a worrier,” she reveals.

Secondary thoughts

The transition to secondary school was hard. “I sort of cried every day for a year – I really didn’t want to go”. Around the age of 11, Bella developed OCD to cope with her deteriorating mental health. “I was having scary thoughts and worrying about things I couldn’t control, so I developed obvious ticks. I’d have to turn lights on and off, and I used to spit and blink when I had bad thoughts,” she says.