Whether it’s a relative, romantic partner, potential date, friend or even a would-be employer, when you feel you’ve been rejected, it suggests you value the relationship more than the other party values you. There’s something about the asymmetry of this kind of situation that really stings, especially if it keeps happening.
You’re far from the only one who finds this difficult! Studies have found that people often cite lost relationships as among the most painful experiences of their lives. There’s also brain-imaging research that’s shown feelings of rejection are accompanied by activation of parts of the brain that are also involved in experiencing physical pain. No wonder your emotional pain has a visceral quality to it.
If you experience what feels like repeated rejections, there’s a chance you can become so fearful of living through more pain that you stop engaging with others – developing what psychologists call ‘rejection sensitivity’. A therapist can help you with this in various ways, starting with encouraging you to nurture a sense of belonging elsewhere and giving you tips on how to soothe your difficult emotions.