It seems from the available evidence that Homo Sapiens Mark 1 is not without one or two key design faults. Sadly, we still await a software update that addresses important security and operating issues, unlike any smartphone that justifies the prefix. I’m referring to the human inability to learn from mistakes. So I take pleasure in reporting that on one occasion early in my travails as a recording roustabout, I bucked this trend, to commercial advantage.
Back then, when TV ‘jingle’ sessions were an actual thing, I was invited to perform on a 30-second item, most likely in order to sell cat litter or toilet cleaner. Maybe both. The sticking point was the enquiry “You do play flamenco guitar don’t you?” With heavy heart and suicidal artistic integrity, I found myself declining the offer of pecuniary advancement. “Oh dear. I’m not sure that I’m competent to perform in the style of a Paco Pena or a Paco de Lucia. It’s a highly specialised art form that requires a lifetime of study. So I must refuse your kind offer.” And with that, my caller was gone, never to trouble my diary service again. Ever. A week later the commercial for Kitty-Krap or Liquid Lemon-Loo appeared between breaks in Coronation Street. To my chagrin, the centuries old cultural tradition of Spanish folk music had been distilled into a single strummed open E Major chord, moved up by one semitone but retaining the open bottom and top two strings. Then back to E. It would be stretching the imagination to describe it as an ethnic tour de force. The challenge would not have dismayed anyone who had ventured as far as page 3 of Mr Weedon’s respected tome, Play In A Day.