More items from the Retro Roamer columns of 30 years ago
■ Donald was having a dram. And Donald was enjoying himself fine. Into the volley came a taxi driver. ‘Taxi for DC’! He shouted. DC was not happy. Taximan persisted. ‘Your missus sent me here and she’s paid me the fare in advance’. DC was even less amused. ‘Well, here’s a pound’, he volunteered. ‘Now go away and find another passenger.’ Exit bemused driver, having been paid full fare and tip to go nowhere and a pound on top of that. And DC’s missus? To use a right royal phrase: ‘She was NOT amused.’
■ There was this august meeting in the council chambers last week, ‘august’ in March, that is. As the proceedings progressed there was a ‘ratatatatat’ on the floor. Yes, the floor, not the door. The ‘First Lady’s’ pearls had worked loose and, one by one, were skiting off the round table and onto the parquet floor. This caused the other councillors much mirth. So much so that the committee chairman’s laughter loosened the gold cap on one of his front teeth. It, too, hit the deck via the table. Aye, there was a wealth of minerals being recovered from the meeting room floor that day.