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This article is from...
Private Eye
1641
VIEW IN STORE
Other Articles in this Issue
Frontpage
Private Eye
Private Eye
KEIR STARMER’S MACHINE LEARNING
UNVEILING his great “AI Action Plan” to transform
CONTRACT LENS
AS THE last Eye revealed, last
PAY PALS
GOOD NEWS! More than a decade and a
RIDDLE OF THE STINKS
NIGEL FARAGE’S latest grift smells a bit even
WISHFUL SINKING
THE government aims to deliver 1.5m additional homes
TULIP MANIA
continued… AU REVOIR then, Tulip Siddiq, who
FALSE FLAG
REFORM UK councillor Jaymey McIvor chose to unfurl
US-EYE
DAYS before his inauguration, Donald Trump’s decision to
COINING IT
AN EARLY sign of the tenor of the
TECH SUPPORT
THE EU is reportedly holding back on all
LAW UNTO ITSELF
FORMER bookie Jim Mullen, now boss of newspaper
DRUG PUSHERS
AS EYE 1620 noted last March,
HOW JOURNALISM WORKS
First two weeks of January : Yields on
STRAINING MANUAL
The Guardian recently launched “The Overwhelm”
SUSSEX SUCK-UPS
MEGHAN MARKLE is on a publicity drive, reactivating
STAT OF THE NATION
TORY MP and Telegraph columnist Nick
GROOM TEMPERATURE
THE Telegraph ’s increasingly rabid editorial line
SNOWFLAKE NEWS
"IT IS January and it is snowing,” noted
PANIC STATION
SO. Farewell then, London Live, the “hyper-local” TV
HOW NOW, KOWTOW
THE Mail titles were full of
RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
NEW year, new campaign of pop-up windows on
AFRICAN QUEEN
ON 11 January, the Economist published
NIGHT BLUBBING
THE Guardian seems to be going
BET LYNCHING
“THE MISSING MILLIONS,” thundered large text above
ON A TROLL
CLICKBAIT megasite Mail Online reported gleefully last
Private Eye
“The kids have really got into the darts”
LABOUR SPIN CYCLE
THE new year will be a good one
HUNTER GATHERER
THE recent ennoblement of Baroness (Anji) Hunter presented
KEEPING THE LIGHTS ON
THIS column has never rushed to predict blackouts,
CALLED TO ORDURE
COME and visit my beautiful constituency where the
WESTMINSTER WHISPERS
GREAT indignation in the upper house when Tory
MASTER OF THE ROLLS
“DOES the secretary of state agree that
SQUEAKY CLEANERS
AS THE government consults on deputy prime minister
PROF-IT MOTIVE
HOW will Coventry University vice-chancellor Professor John Latham
CALL ME, DAVE
FORMER Tory prime minister and Greensill Capital lobbyist
ARMS GIVER
BUSINESS secretary Jonathan Reynolds has re-appointed Mark Lancaster
TATE & VILE
ANYONE disillusioned with the current state of UK
HOUSING NEWS
WHAT difference could the government’s Renters’ Rights Bill,
BRUSSELS SPROUTS
PLENTY of ink has been spilt detailing the
SURGICAL BYPASS
CLAIMING it will “deliver for working people”, Keir
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGED
SO. FAREWELL, then, Cllr Ammar Naqvi, former cabinet
ALL THAT JAS
REDBRIDGE Labour councillor and Ilford South MP Jas
JUST THE TICKET
THE Green administration running Bristol claims the city
KISMET KATE
GOOD news from the London borough of Croydon!
CULTURE SHOCK
ON 1 January Bradford became the 2025 UK
MEDICINE BALLS
Breaking points THE Royal College of Nursing has
BODY BLOW
A DISASTROUS trip to the dentist for root
SIGNAL FAILURES
Open excess
ROAD RAGE
A NEW prop under the A167 Gateshead Highway
The Agri Brigade
I F environment secretary Steve Reed hoped
The BBC licence fee
W ITH the feel of a placed leak,
NATIONAL AFFRONT
LATE last year, an analysis by the Centre
ROGUE ZEROES
“Now, the final prayer shall be read... in
AD NAUSEAM
BANKS don’t like their customers switching to a
MALGORITHMS
Slough & South Bucks Observer: “Slough hockey captain
WORLD OF SPORT
UNLIKE the sportswashing superpowers of Saudi Arabia, Qatar
ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA
A GLIMPSE into the post-fact social media future
CULTUNE BORES
POP EYE
AS THIS year’s Brit awards approach on 1
GOLDEN FLEECING?
THE Golden Globes won glowing reviews when kicking
WICKED GAME
THE announcement last week that Cynthia Erivo has
GNOME CINEMA
AT THE start of Emilia Pérez ,
Letter from Panama City
from Our Own Correspondent
WILDFIRE WATCH
T HE 7,500 firefighters battling to control C
Postcard from Chisinau
P RESIDENT Maia Sandu may have just seen
NOOKS and CORNERS
AFTER masonry started falling off the once handsome
IT’S GRIM UP NORTH LONDON KNIFE & PACKER
POST WASTE
January sales POST OFFICE results for 2023/24,
MUSIC & MUSICIANS
THE dysfunctional Arts Council England (ACE) doesn’t chalk
Trump frees hostages
THERE was delight throughout Washington as Donald Trump
Joe Biden’s farewell address
That legacy in full: “Um… er… what
RETURN OF VILLAGE IDIOT (SURELY ‘PEOPLE’?)
(Left to right: Building a Wall, Crypto Wild
MIDDLE EAST CEASEFIRE DEAL LATEST
TRUMP’S NEW TECH WORLD ORDER – WHAT YOU WILL SEE
■ META to be renamed MAGA ■
Ex-Conservative MP writes exclusively for the Eye from Washington D.C.
Dee Nial Hi! Well, guess what! No really,
SHOCK ABSENCE AT INAUGURATION FUELS SPLIT RUMOURS
THE Washington rumour mill has gone into overdrive
Labour pledges 100s of Nightingale facilities to fix crisis
THE government has vowed to ease the pressure
Millionaires flee Britain
RACHEL Reeves’s disastrous punitive budget has seen millions
Young people all signed off with stress
Shocking new statistics have revealed that one in
POLICE LOG
Neasden Central Police Station
EX-SINN FEIN LEADER TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR COMPENSATION
FACT SHAMING TO BE BANNED
There was a huge advance in human progress
THOSE NEW UN-FACT-CHECKED FACEBOOK FEEDS IN FULL:
n Everyone everywhere approves of Mark Zuckerberg dropping
‘Jail time would have been on the cards’ insists special prosecutor
FORMER Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith has
TRUMP WORLD
That rewritten map of the earth in full:
World responds to Trump’s Panama and Greenland demands with counter offers
The global reaction to incoming president Donald Trump’s
JIMMY CARTER FUNERAL
WHAT DID BARACK OBAMA ACTUALLY SAY TO DONALD TRUMP?
DOMINIC CUMMINGS ADVISES ELON MUSK
CONVERSATIONS
Labour urges Starmer to harness the power of PI
Senior Labour figures have urged Keir Starmer to
STARMER PROMISES AI ‘POTHOLE REVOLUTION’
BEFORE 1. Driver spots pothole in road 2.
PRIME MINISTER ANNOUNCES MASSIVE BREXIT BONUS
THERE was delight this week as a genuine,
BADENOCH MAKES SPEECH ADMITTING PAST MISTAKES:
How the next week panned out: Monday:
TONY BLAIR WARNS STARMER ABOUT DANGERS OF MENTAL HEALTH OVERDIAGNOSIS
CONCERN AFTER RUSSIAN BREACH OF PARLIAMENTARY SECURITY
EYE JANUARY FUN QUIZ
TO BRIGHTEN UP THE GLOOMY START TO THE YEAR
Transcript of that Liz Truss legal meeting in full…
Location: The offices of one of Britain’s top
POETRY CORNER
In Memoriam Jean-Marie Le Pen, right-wing French politician,
MARVILE LUNIVERSE
Baby Reichdeer
The painfully funny story of obsession. He was
Bid to purchase Telegraph falls through
THE latest attempt to buy the Telegraph newspaper
Lines written on the separation of Scotland’s most famous couple
’Twas January in the year twenty twenty five
KERBER'S PEOPLE
“Ok, Arthur, I think it’s time we removed
KATE PAYS SURPRISE VISIT TO FRONT PAGE
The Princess of Wales delighted the whole of
LOS ANGELES WILDFIRES LATEST
Homes not belonging to famous rich people probably burnt down too
n Los Angeles officials say they are unable
What they should do about this year’s Oscars:
1. Don’t cancel them but stage them immediately
Novak Djokovic – AN APOLOGY
IN COMMON with all other British newspapers we
Is curse of Strictly about to strike again?
THE writing’s on the wall – followers of
NEIL GAIMAN RESPONDS TO ABUSE ACCUSATIONS
THE TRA TORS BIRD TABLE TM
Why should our faithful feathered friends miss out
DIARY
It was a New Year that demanded consumption
Private Eye
“We’re fine, thanks, but next door might appreciate
Long Covid
Alive in the Merciful Country A.L. Kennedy
Nature crawls
Blythe Spirit: The Remarkable Life of Ronald Blythe
Amersi mission
n “I HAVE chosen to call this book
BOOKS & BOOKMEN BAD OMENS
n LAST year’s Tortoise podcast, Master , featured
Pseuds Corner
I’m all about having big-flavor, shelf-stable ingredients to
THE LUCY LETBY CASE: PART 13
Discolouring the evidence A KEY reason neonatal nurse
Private Eye
“Ok, ok, big teeth, big ears... Now, if
Gulf links
MORE damning evidence last week of the Gulf
Drax evasion
MPS AND peers of all parties are increasingly
Loose threads
FASHION retailer Shein, which chancellor Rachel Reeves is
No funicular
AFTER more than £25m in repairs, it remains
Steel away
“ I MADE a promise to the people
Gag reflex
NORTHAMPTONSHIRE Knacker has arrested and charged a whistleblower
Armed farces
AN independent review of the British Army Reserve
Presumed guilty
WHEN James was arrested aged 17 for carrying
Risk assessment
FOUR mothers who were brought together by the
Under destruction
YET more universities are pushing ahead with staff
Hashed tag
NOT content with hauling septuagenarian protester Gaie Delap
Water torture
ELDERLY and vulnerable residents at a Cornish park
Crest of a wave
KING CHARLES’s list of new royal warrants, announced
Wells to-do
THE great Church of England (CofE) salsa of
In the City
Dough nations T ALK of a $100m
THE LAST LAUGH…
“And just how long have you felt the
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