Under the Microscope
James McCreet applies his forensic criticism to the beginning of a young writer’s YA novel
“What is wrong with you?!”1
He lay sprawled2 on the ground, head laid on the grass;3 gawping up at me as I smirked down at him.
“Everything,” I replied smugly.4 Toby Noteworth had certainly learnt his lesson when he made the big mistake of declaring girls can’t fight,5 and then deciding to try and beat me up. And I don’t know about you,6 but I certainly wasn’t going to let that happen.
He had come charging at me like an angry elephant,7 flailing his arms around,8 and nearly flicking himself in the eyes.9 It was easy to duck out of the way, and obvious10 that he’d never fought someone before - even his thumbs were tucked into his fists (I mean - come on!11
Everyone knows you can’t punch like that! I bet even Stepfather knows you can break your thumbs if your fists are like that - honestly). I punched him swiftly12 in the stomach, stunning him;13 and was getting ready to put him in an arm lock, and then14 let him go with an angry hissed warning;15 but I should have known better.16 He, being the ugly cheat that he is, began summoning his magic,17 knowing fully well that because I’m a girl,18 I don’t have any.19 His eyes turned yellow, his hair crackled with electricity, and yellow sparks spat in his hands20… but I swung my leg and tripped him up21, shocking his magic to a stop. He landed on his back with a sickening crunch.22