The Rules
…for winning an Oscar
HIT THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL harder than a power bottom hitting a bottle of poppers at a chillout. Even better to have a press-friendly anecdote for the red carpet at the ready. Remember, “There can be a hundred people in the room”…
BRING THE REALNESS. Hollywood laps it up when actors portray people who actually lived and breathed, from dead presidents to mop creators. The petition for a Kim Woodburn biopic begins here, luvvie!
SUFFER FOR YOUR ART. Pain equals gain in this race, whether you’re shedding lots of weight, filming in sub-zero temperatures or being manhandled by a bear. Saying that, we do have a soft spot for bears.
NEVER PLAY A CAT. After watching a certain cat-astrophic musical – me-ouch! – we were this close to calling the RSPCA. Only exception is Michelle Pfeiffer’s purrfect Catwoman. Now that’s our kind of pussy.