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> Of Splodges and Men
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The Heck Is a Splodge?
Greetings esteemed editor. The “Budget Buster” feature in the April issue is an outstanding example of intelligent analysis of the elements of a computer, and a demonstration that price is not the ultimate criterion! Such a paper offers proof of the high quality of the journal.
However, perhaps because I live in a foreign country, Québec (presently part of Canada), which uses the metric system, I am confused by the exact measurement described by the term “splodge.”
Is this a metric measurement, officially identified by a quantity of thermal paste kept in a test tube at exactly 25 C at the National Science Council, and named, perhaps, after the eminent Senator Henry Cabot Splodge? I suppose a centisplodge and a millisplodge are used for different models of PCs.
Given that the US still uses the ancient English units, such as miles, yards, and football fields, I wonder nevertheless if the splodge is one of those old units. Perhaps the basic unit is the dab, equivalent to the weight of the toenail clippings from the left foot of King Henry VII of England (and Wales)? Seven dabs would be a gob, and 6¾ gobs would be a splodge, or a short splodge, 8½ being required for a long splodge, used mostly in calculating shipping costs?
A private response is not expected, but perhaps a future issue might include an explanatory note!
–Pierre Corbeil PhD
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, ZAK STOREY, RESPONDS: Ah, that age-old argument, imperial versus metric, the US and UK versus the world. Would you believe that I grew up with both measurement systems, due to a ridiculously multicultural family that has moved around the world far more often than Gandalf called in the eagles for help, so can use and convert between the two systems at will? I know it’s weird. Not helped at all by PCs, where we use millimeters for fan and radiator dimensions, psi to check liquid-cooling pressure, Celsius for temperature management, and “slots” for graphics card compatibility. Personally, for speed I use mph, for my cardiovascular training I use km, for my height I use cm (because I’m 5’ 8.5”, but if I tell people that, they just think I’m compensating for being short), for my weight I use both pounds and kg, and for building furniture I use mm. It’s a mess, but I can swap quite easily between all that. I’ll admit, though, even I have no capacity to translate the Gregorian calendar and standard time into metric time; that’s an insane step too far for me.