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Home > Psychologies > No. 124 Too Much To Do? > HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

No couple can linger in the honeymoon period forever, but what happens when you can’t see a ‘happily ever after’ with your partner any more? Help is at hand from psychologists, marriage gurus and relationship experts, as Anita Chaudhuri rounds up the advice that will save your relationship

Can there be any area of life where hope triumphs over experience more than in romantic relationships? From song lyrics and novels to the silver screen, we are bombarded with the message that out there somewhere is a prince, and when we find him we will somehow magically live happily ever after. Cue power ballad crescendo. Credits roll. We walk off into the sunset.

The trouble is, no-one ever asks ‘Then what?’ What happens when the sparkly pixie dust wears off and it feels suspiciously like that prince we found is, if not sprouting actual webbed feet, then at least beginning to develop certain toad-like tendencies? Conflicts arise, and no wonder – we’re all facing more stresses and demands, spinning more plates in the air than any previous generation. And it’s our relationship with our significant other that often bears the brunt of these strains.

So what do you do when you feel things have gone so far off track that you wonder if you even have a future together at all, let alone a happy-ever-after one? We have five mindset shifts to help future-proof your love story.

1 BOREDOM ISN’T NECESSARILY BAD NEWS

For many couples, the rot sets in when the honey moon period wears off. But scientists have discovered this is caused by simple brain chemistry and is not a sign you have become incompatible or gone off each other. In her book Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (Holt McDougal, £10.99), anthropologist Helen Fisher observes that the brains of people who are madly in love look markedly different from the brain scans of people who are not. She likened romantic love to being akin to an addiction, which triggers the area of the brain associated with craving and obsession.

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Psychologies January 2016 - Too Much To Do?
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