US-EYE
DESPITE his swollen ankles, penchant for naps and four-a-day aspirin habit, Donald Trump has decided that being president of the United States is not taxing enough for him. He quite fancies running Venezuela as well.
Before the White House Christmas decorations had even come down, Trump ordered American forces into Caracas, where they kidnapped President Nicolás Maduro as he tried to barricade himself into a safe room, and brought him to New York to face charges of cocaine trafficking. Marco Rubio – who is already secretary of state, national security adviser and acting US government archivist – will now help Maduro’s vice-president run the oil-rich country, so “it can be put back on track” and “make a lot of money”.