*Names changed for anonymity.
With Soph, I was the driver of new experiences. Roleplay, sexy talk, alfresco banging. We didn’t use toys because she didn’t own any and it wasn’t discussed. One day while lying in bed as she ran us a bath, I noticed something poking out of her bin underneath the unrecycled paperwork (it was the 1990s). Confused, I brushed the paper aside to reveal a carrot in a condom. I didn’t say anything – it felt secretive. I forgot about carrotgate until years later when learning that “pervertables” are repurposed household goods. Was the condomed carrot a missed opportunity?
After Soph, I tarted around London enjoying my sexuality. While day drinking with a mate in Soho, we visited our first sex shop and I left with a purple dildo. Later, I remember shagging someone who had made it her mission to conquer the strap-on.