QUEER FAMILY, NO CHILDREN

NOT EVERYONE WANTS KIDS, BUT WHAT DO QUEER WOMEN’S FAMILIES LOOK LIKE WITHOUT CHILDREN, ASKS ALEXANDRA PENELOPE

It’s Thanksgiving and, although this is strictly an American holiday, I force all my friends in London to participate, lugging along covered dishes and uncorking too many bottles of wine. I have taught them the art of the sweet potato casserole, and they have shared with me the gift of Yorkshire puddings.

While typically spent with family, I argue my iteration of Thanksgiving is just as valid. Because for me, a 23-yearold single queer woman, family has been forged out of misfits, debt-ridden graduates and variously-identifying LGBT+ individuals.

Traditional family gatherings inevitably include fighting, eyebrows raised in disapproval and the worst: endless enquiry into your love life and the expectation of procreation. Listen up folks, I am young, queer and can barely manage minimum loan payments, so asking about the likelihood of children is like wondering whether Hollywood will ever achieve gender parity. It is a dim possibility in the far-off, distant future, but for the most part, the answer is a resounding NO.

I mean, I’ve thought about children. Maybe. Someday. However, I am also acutely aware that I have been programmed to want motherhood, and any decisions I make do not exist in a vacuum. In the midst of transitioning into “real adulthood”, I have found myself more averse to the idea of childrearing. Perhaps it is my millennial sensibility, but I enjoy being selfish, worrying only for myself and the well-being of friends. A child, I feel, should only be brought on board once there is nothing else I want more. And boy, do I ever want a lot.