NARCISSISM
HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT
NOT ALL NARCISSISTS ARE LOUDMOUTH EGOTISTS, ACCORDING TO A GROWING BODY OF SCIENCE. THERE ARE ALSO COVERT MANIPULATORS LURKING IN MOST SOCIAL CIRCLES
WORDS: MIRIAM FRANKEL
ILLUSTRATIONS: GHELEYNE BASTIAEN
Narcissism appears to have reached pandemic proportions. Just the other day, my nine-yearold announced that kids are branding each other narcissists in the playground. And why wouldn’t children adopt the label? It’s become fashionable for adults to use it for exes, bosses, even family members.
We all think we’ve met a narcissist, perhaps most famously Carly Simon, whose hit ‘You’re so Vain’ is about a cad so egocentric that in the chorus she sings “You probably think this song is about you.” But is narcissism always as obvious as someone walking into a party like they’re “walking onto a yacht?”
Recent research suggests not. Although narcissism may be much more common than once thought. Fullblown, clinical narcissistic personality disorder is estimated to affect up to one in 20 people, suggesting we’re all likely to know someone with the condition. Perhaps they’re in the same room as you right now. These are people with a sense of superiority and entitlement – people who express low levels of empathy, need constant admiration and are easily slighted.
That one in 20 figure is only an estimate, however. “The real number is likely to be higher,” warns Claire Hart, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Southampton. That’s because people who have delusions of grandeur may be reluctant to admit they have a problem and seek help – therefore dodging diagnosis.
There’s also another issue that makes estimates even more difficult. As well as the rather obvious ‘grandiose’ type of narcissist that Simon sang about, psychologists have now identified a lesser-known ‘vulnerable’ type, which is more covert and can be much harder to spot… if you don’t know the tell-tale signs.
RED FLAGS
People who score high on grandiose narcissism tests tend to be what you’d expect. A long line of research has outlined how they tend to brag a lot, be arrogant, hog the limelight and feel rather pleased about themselves. These people are highly extroverted, socially skilled and ultimately have excellent mental health.
Hidden, vulnerable narcissists aren’t like this. While the grandiose tend to have virtually no self-doubt, those with the vulnerable form of narcissism are insecure and defensive – preoccupied with trying to protect their superior self-image.