■ Sally O’Sullivan, editor-in-chief of the magazine ‘Good Housekeeping’ was being interviewed on the wireless on Anne Robinson’s show. She was responding to a query from a listener in Wales who wanted to know how she could get rid of the midges in her garden. The editor, with the Irish name, advised she should clear away all stagnant and standing water in her garden. Additionally she could invest in castor oil seeds as the midges ‘don’t like the resultant plants’. As a last resort, Ms O’Sullivan suggested that anyone bothered by midges should contact their local council. An approach should be made, said she, to the environmental health services department for its personnel to eradicate the midge menace. I can just picture the reaction if everyone in Lochaber laid siege to the council off ces demanding our local authority tackles our midges!
■ Two local joiners working on the scaffolding outside the Edinburgh Woollen Mill shop where JL Geddes used to be were replacing the ornate black lettering on the gable wall. As they inserted the new letters, they were arguing about the spelling, not of ‘Woollen’ but, would you believe, ‘Edinburgh’! They got it right, in the end. And ‘Mill’ too!
■ Two old pals – not joiners – were wending their weary way up Lundavra after a heavy night, or a night on the heavy. As they tackled the hill, the glare from the headlights of passing cars was picking out an object, apparently moving about on the road. ‘Look’, said one, ‘there’s a wee animal trapped on the road. It’ll get run over if we don’t rescue it.’ His friend agreed. ‘I can see its eyes shining in the lights’, he said. The dynamic duo held up their hands – and the trafic. The double act then swooped down on what they fondly imagined to be a hedgehog, tortoise or some furry animal. They picked it up gently and discovered it was a plastic plant pot. The ‘eyes’ were, in fact, the two holes in the bottom of the pot and the headlights had been shining through these.
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